Fatherhood & Struggle in 25 Experimental Illustrations

PROLOG

This is a collection of 25 experimental illustration artworks that I created from 2023–2024. These pieces are more than just visual experiments — they represent a profound and vulnerable process of navigating life as a new father, while battling struggles, doubts, and pressures alongside growing responsibilities.

Each illustration is infused with real emotions, stories, and experiences from my own life and from those around me. Through this creative process, I’ve come to realize that struggles do not destroy us — instead, they make us grow, become more human, more compassionate, and more resilient.

My hope is that this portfolio inspires and resonates with anyone who is wrestling with heavy burdens, and lets them know that they’re not alone in their struggles.

"Barrier of Love"

(2023)
Digital Illustration – Experimental Series

A figure peeks through a barrier — quietly observing love from a distance. Not because they don’t feel it, but because something unseen holds them back. Fear. Doubt. Past wounds. Perhaps all three.

In "Barrier of Love", I visualized the quiet ache of someone who feels deeply, sincerely, yet cannot fully step into that feeling. The person is present but not visible, loving but not embraced. There’s a wall — not of indifference, but of hesitation, built over time by pain and self-protection.

This work reflects a personal understanding of how genuine love doesn’t always look loud or brave. Sometimes, it exists behind barriers — in stolen glances, in silent support, in the courage it takes to love from afar. It’s about the emotional complexity of wanting to connect, but not knowing how or whether it’s safe to try.

"Barrier of Love" is for those who love quietly, for those who stand at the edge of connection — hoping one day to step fully through.

"Touch and Warmth"

(2024)
Digital Illustration – Experimental Series

A horse with its head bowed, gently touched by a human hand — a simple yet profound moment that speaks of trust, surrender, and emotional connection.

This illustration captures the quiet power of vulnerability. The horse, often a symbol of wild strength and freedom, is shown not in motion or defiance, but in stillness — choosing to lean into the presence of another. In that pause, there is trust. In that touch, there is healing.

“Touch and Warmth” was created during a period of personal emotional weight — a time when I realized how even the strongest among us need moments of tenderness. It reflects a universal truth: that beneath the surface of strength, there’s often exhaustion, and that a gentle gesture can carry the warmth we didn’t know we needed.

Through this work, I hope to remind others (and myself) that softness is not weakness. Sometimes, choosing to rest your head and receive comfort is the bravest thing you can do.

"Love and Patience"

(2024)
Digital Illustration – Experimental Series

A hand gently holds a glowing Nepenthes (pitcher plant) — a rare, intricate beauty of nature — with a small bird perched above it, resting quietly. The flower radiates a soft, warm light, as if alive with unspoken energy.

In this piece, I wanted to capture the sacred stillness that exists between love and waiting — between nurturing something delicate, and allowing it to bloom in its own time. The Nepenthes, known for its uniqueness and slow growth, represents a kind of love that requires both care and restraint. The bird above symbolizes quiet presence — not to possess, but to accompany.

"Love and Patience" is a reflection of moments in life where we hold on to something precious — a person, a dream, a hope — knowing that rushing would only ruin its magic. It’s about trusting the process, loving gently, and having the strength to wait without forcing.

This illustration was born from my own journey through tenderness, fatherhood, and the daily practice of patience — especially when love takes a form that asks us to be still, to listen, and to simply be there.

"Love and Patience"

Black white edition

(2024)

"Blind Direction and the Purpose of Life"

(2023)
Digital Illustration – Experimental Series

A figure stands with eyes gently covered, their body softly held — not in force, but in quiet restraint. From within, a subtle glow emanates, breaking through the stillness with warmth and light.

This piece explores the tension between not knowing where we’re going, and yet being carried by something greater — whether it's intuition, faith, or a silent force within. The covered eyes symbolize the absence of clear vision, the uncertainty that often surrounds us in life. And yet, the body radiates — not because it knows the way, but because its purpose glows from within, even in darkness.

"Blind Direction and the Purpose of Life" reflects a state of surrender — when we no longer push forward by force, but allow ourselves to be gently guided by trust, emotion, and inner truth. The light from within is a metaphor for the soul’s quiet compass — the part of us that continues to shine even when the path is unclear.

This illustration is a reminder that we don’t always need to see clearly to move with meaning. Sometimes, purpose is not found in knowing, but in allowing — and in listening to the soft light that calls us from the inside.

"Blind Direction and the Purpose of Life"

black white edition

(2023)

"Sooner or Later"

(2023)
Digital Illustration – Experimental Series

A horse and a snake — two contrasting forces — share a single frame. One known for its strength and movement, the other for its silence and precision. Together, they form an uneasy harmony, a quiet tension that suggests inevitability.

In “Sooner or Later”, I explore the duality of instinct and consequence, and how opposing energies often exist side by side within us. The horse embodies forward motion, courage, and freedom. The snake, on the other hand, symbolizes caution, intuition, and hidden threat — or hidden wisdom. Their coexistence suggests that in life, we’re constantly negotiating between impulse and awareness, between action and reflection.

The title refers to life’s unavoidable encounters — truths, changes, endings — the ones we might try to outrun, yet inevitably meet. Whether it’s a moment of reckoning, self-confrontation, or acceptance, it arrives… sooner or later.

This illustration was born out of personal moments where I felt torn between rushing ahead and pausing to sense the danger or wisdom in waiting. It’s a visual meditation on balance, on tension, and on the mysterious choreography of opposing forces.

"Motion"

(2024)
Digital Illustration – Experimental Series

A powerful horse stands tall, surrounded by a chaotic landscape of sharp thorns and tangled roots. Though full of strength, it doesn’t charge forward — it waits, it senses, it moves with caution.

In “Motion”, I explore the paradox of strength held back by awareness — the idea that true power is not always expressed through speed or dominance, but through deliberate, mindful movement. The horse represents potential energy, inner fire, and readiness. The thorns and roots represent life’s complex challenges — the unseen pain, emotional traps, or responsibilities that demand more than brute force to navigate.

This piece reflects the experience of moving forward in life while constantly negotiating with invisible resistance — the fear of making a wrong step, the awareness of what’s at stake, the patience required when everything around you is fragile.

"Motion" is a tribute to the kind of strength that pauses, listens, and adapts. A reminder that in some stages of life, grace is found not in how fast we move, but in how deeply we understand the ground we step on.

"The Night of a Thousand Moons"

(2024)
Digital Illustration – Spiritual Series

Inspired by the sacred verses of Surah Al-Qadr in the Qur’an, this piece is a visual meditation on the night that is better than a thousand months — Lailatul Qadr. A night cloaked in divine stillness, where the heavens descend, and destinies are whispered into being.

The artwork envisions the unseen beauty of this sacred night — countless moons suspended in a vast sky, reflecting light upon the earth not through brightness alone, but through spiritual gravity. A space between time, where everything slows, and the soul becomes most receptive.

In this piece, I wanted to capture the overwhelming serenity, mercy, and hidden power within this night. The thousand moons represent not only magnitude, but also moments — countless opportunities, prayers, and hopes gathered into one singular, eternal night.

“The Night of a Thousand Moons” is both a personal reflection and a tribute to the unseen dimensions of faith — where silence becomes prayer, and light becomes guidance. It invites the viewer to pause, breathe, and remember that some of the most powerful nights in life are the ones that transform us quietly, from within.

"False Hopes"

(2024)
Digital Illustration – Conceptual / Emotional Series

In a barren desert, a fragmented body with a hollow core reaches out — its hand touching a massive thorn. Eyes watch from above, silent and still. All around, nails are embedded in the sand like remnants of broken attempts, or warnings from the past.

“False Hopes” is a visual allegory of the emotional weight that comes from chasing promises that were never meant to bloom. The desert represents emotional drought — a place where expectations are planted, but never nourished. The hole in the figure’s chest is the emptiness left behind by disappointment. The act of reaching toward the thorn symbolizes the human tendency to pursue something painful, even when we know better — the quiet addiction to hope, even when it's misplaced.

The watching eyes are both external and internal — voices of judgment, memory, or self-awareness — witnessing the cycle repeat. The nails in the ground echo this pattern: past moments where we were held in place, pinned by illusion.

“False Hopes” reflects a deep emotional state where longing, pain, and self-awareness intersect. It asks: how many times must we bleed before we learn? Yet in its stillness, there’s also compassion — an understanding that even false hopes come from real yearning.

"The Power of Mind"

(2024)
Digital Illustration – Experimental Series

A solitary figure stands still — but their head is no longer a head. In its place: a vessel, open and overflowing, containing an abstract force that seems to ripple outward, ready to spill and spread into everything around it.

“The Power of Mind” is a conceptual piece that explores the immense influence of thought, belief, and imagination. The mind, reimagined here as a container, suggests both capacity and vulnerability — what we hold inside can stay contained, or it can shape the world beyond us. Ideas, emotions, obsessions, or clarity — all begin within, yet their reach is limitless.

What flows from the vessel is left intentionally ambiguous — is it knowledge? Fear? Creativity? Influence? Contagion? This ambiguity reflects how our inner world has the power to build, break, inspire, or infect everything it touches. The piece invites viewers to confront their own minds — not just as a private space, but as a source of energy that constantly affects the outside world.

“The Power of Mind” is a reminder that our thoughts are not passive. What we cultivate within, consciously or not, can echo into everything we create, destroy, or become.

"The Father"

(2024)
Digital Illustration – Emotional / Symbolic Series

Under a quiet, starlit night, a man embraces a small child. His head is replaced by a full moon — luminous, watchful, and constant. Around them, sharp thorns rise from the earth like silent threats. Yet within the embrace, the child rests peacefully — untouched, unafraid, safe.

“The Father” is a deeply personal reflection on parenthood as both protection and sacrifice. The moon, replacing the father’s head, symbolizes emotional stillness, quiet wisdom, and the burden of watching over — always present, always holding space. The thorns emerging from the ground represent unseen challenges, pain, and the emotional dangers that surround us — not always visible, but always near.

Despite the harshness of the environment, the father remains calm — he shelters the child not by eliminating the threats, but by being the barrier between them. The child’s comfort amidst the chaos speaks to the strength of love that doesn’t need loud declarations, only silent constancy.

“The Father” is about the unspoken weight carried by those who protect, who give without asking, and who remain soft even when the world around them demands hardness. It is a tribute to all those who become a source of light and safety — even while walking barefoot among thorns.

"Searched Myself"

(2023)
Digital Illustration – Conceptual / Emotional Series

A statue stands still — rigid, silent, monumental. Yet upon closer look, it is not whole. Its form is bound and burdened by blocks of its own body — pieces of itself becoming both structure and prison.

“Searched Myself” explores the paradox of self-exploration and self-confinement — how in the process of trying to understand who we are, we often become trapped within the very constructs we build. The statue, a symbol of permanence and identity, is fractured by its own weight — its own expectations, past, and definitions.

The chains are not foreign. They are not imposed by others. They are formed by the self — by inner voices, by old versions, by the longing to make sense of everything through order and control. The act of searching turns inward, but instead of clarity, it finds entanglement.

This piece is a visual reflection of what it feels like to be stuck within one’s own mind, to look for answers and find more questions. And yet, within this stillness, there’s honesty — a recognition that growth often begins in discomfort, and that to search oneself is to break through layers we once thought were our foundation.

"Way of Looking at the World"

(2024)
Digital Illustration – Conceptual Series

At first glance, it is a globe — a familiar symbol of Earth, of geography, of distance and place. But upon closer inspection, it is not land and ocean that spin within the axis. It is an eye. A single, watching eye — quiet, unblinking, and full of meaning.

“Way of Looking at the World” is a reflection on perception as reality — on how the world we see is never separate from the eyes that view it. The globe, transformed into an eye, becomes a metaphor for how each individual carries their own lens — shaped by emotion, belief, memory, and experience.

This piece invites viewers to question the neutrality of “the world.” Is it truly objective? Or is it always colored by our gaze? The eye in the globe doesn’t just observe — it defines. It reminds us that how we choose to look determines what we see, and that every worldview is inherently personal, biased, and alive.

Through this illustration, I wanted to explore the quiet power of perspective — how seeing is not just a passive act, but a constant process of interpretation, projection, and meaning-making.

"Waiting for Something"

(2023)
Digital Illustration – Surreal / Emotional Series

A figure sits quietly on a sofa in a dimly lit room, surrounded by the stillness of night. But their head is not a head — it is an hourglass. Grains of sand fall steadily, silently, measuring time that seems both endless and heavy.

“Waiting for Something” captures the subtle, often suffocating sensation of anticipation without clarity — the feeling of knowing you’re waiting, but not knowing exactly for what. The room, closed and quiet, represents an internal space of reflection, paralysis, or quiet hope. The hourglass-head reflects a mind consumed by time — not just its passing, but its weight.

This piece speaks to the human experience of in-between moments — where we pause between decisions, desires, or phases of life. It is about stillness that is not peace, and patience that borders on uncertainty. The sand falling becomes a quiet tension, a soft reminder that time moves, even when we don’t.

“Waiting for Something” is an emotional snapshot of those long, personal nights — when we sit with ourselves and feel time stretching out like a question. A tribute to all who wait, wonder, and endure in silence.

"The Actor"

(2023)
Digital Illustration – Symbolic / Dramatic Series

A majestic horse stands at the center of a broken chessboard — pierced cleanly by a single arrow. Around it, scattered and fallen chess pieces lie in disarray, suggesting a game that’s already been lost… or never truly played fairly.

In “The Actor”, the horse symbolizes nobility, drive, and movement — the one who plays, performs, or carries others forward. Yet here, the actor has become the target. The arrow is precise, deliberate — a symbol of betrayal, consequence, or fate. And the chessboard beneath represents the grand stage of life, strategy, and systems — where power moves are made, and some pieces are sacrificed for the illusion of control.

This piece reflects the emotional weight of playing a role, of being the one who moves while others plot. It speaks to the cost of performing strength, loyalty, or purpose — especially when the rules are unclear, and the audience unseen. The scattered pieces suggest the illusion of structure collapsing, revealing the actor’s silent tragedy.

“The Actor” is about unseen pain beneath visible grace, and the loneliness of those who carry out a role — whether chosen or assigned — until they fall. A visual metaphor for the toll of expectation, sacrifice, and silent endurance.

"Private Vehicle"

(2023)
Digital Illustration – Surreal / Conceptual Series

A human figure walks forward, carrying — or being burdened by — a horse clinging tightly to their body. It’s unclear who depends on whom. The horse, once a symbol of speed, power, and status, is now strangely out of place — not ridden, but attached.

“Private Vehicle” is a surreal commentary on status, pride, and the illusions of ownership. The horse represents not only transportation or luxury, but also the weight of identity we attach to possessions. The figure, though in motion, is slowed — not assisted — by what should be a vehicle. The image challenges the assumption that what we "have" always moves us forward. Sometimes, it holds us back.

This piece questions the boundaries between utility and ego, between pride and burden. Is the human carrying the horse to prove something? Or is the horse clinging to maintain relevance? It’s a visual metaphor for modern attachments — to wealth, symbols of success, or even self-image — and how they often demand more from us than they give.

“Private Vehicle” invites viewers to reflect: what are we truly moving with — and what is merely moving through us?

"Origin of Birth"

(2023)
Digital Illustration – Symbolic / Emotional Series

In the middle of a vast, endless ocean, a solitary human figure floats — their head replaced by the image of a human fetus, suspended in the silent stillness of the sea. In each hand, they hold long black ribbons, symbols of mourning and quiet grief.

“Origin of Birth” is a visual meditation on the complex duality of beginnings — how every birth is not only a moment of creation, but also a rupture, a loss, a transformation. The ocean represents the primordial space of existence, the unknown waters from which all life emerges, yet also a place where we can feel deeply alone.

The fetus-head suggests an eternal return to the moment before consciousness, before form — while the black ribbons evoke mourning, memory, and inherited pain. Together, these elements form a poetic contradiction: life beginning with the shadow of loss.

This piece reflects on how identity is often born not just through joy, but also through grief — personal, generational, or symbolic. “Origin of Birth” is about that silent truth: that to come into being is also to leave something behind. That creation and mourning often arrive hand in hand.

It is a reminder that birth is not only the start of life, but the beginning of longing, of awareness, and of the search for meaning.

"The Inner Voice"

(2023)
Digital Illustration – Emotional / Conceptual Series

A solitary figure emerges from the shadows, suspended in silence — not speaking, yet clearly listening. There is no noise, no crowd, no chaos. Only a presence that seems to echo inward. The voice is not outside — it comes from within.

“The Inner Voice” explores the subtle, often overlooked power of introspection, intuition, and self-confrontation. It represents that deeply personal space where we hear ourselves most honestly — not through words, but through feeling, tension, and reflection. The piece visualizes the moment when all external distractions fade, and what remains is the truth we carry inside.

This work was born out of quiet nights and inner questioning — the kind of silence that doesn’t comfort, but confronts. The kind that asks: What do you really believe? Who are you when no one is watching?

The visual language of this piece is intentionally minimal, focusing on emotional gravity rather than detail — to evoke the weight of unspoken thoughts, the complexity of self-dialogue, and the courage it takes to listen to oneself fully.

“The Inner Voice” is a tribute to solitude, honesty, and the quiet space where growth begins — even when it feels uncomfortable. Because sometimes, the most important conversation we have… is the one no one else can hear.

"Light Yourself"

(2023)
Digital Illustration – Symbolic / Emotional Series

A lone figure stands in darkness — illuminated not by any external source, but by a soft, glowing light that emerges from within their own body. The surroundings are still, quiet, perhaps even oppressive. And yet, the light grows. Slowly. Steadily. As if defying the void around it.

“Light Yourself” is a visual reflection on self-empowerment, resilience, and inner awakening. It speaks to those moments when the world offers no guidance, no certainty, and no affirmation — and we are left with only ourselves. In that silence, the choice is made: to wait, or to become our own source of light.

The piece symbolizes how healing, purpose, and strength often begin from within — in the unseen places, where no one is watching. It reminds us that the most lasting illumination doesn’t come from external validation, but from the courage to ignite what we carry inside, even when it feels small or fragile.

“Light Yourself” is about hope — not loud or dramatic, but quiet and enduring. It is for those who are learning to trust their inner voice, hold their own hand, and glow — even when surrounded by shadows.

"Imprisoned Mind"

(2023)
Digital Illustration – Conceptual / Emotional Series

A human figure stands restrained — their feet shackled to the ground, their head replaced by an hourglass slowly draining. Each grain of sand that falls seems to echo the weight of passing time, of decisions unmade, of thoughts looping endlessly.

“Imprisoned Mind” is a visual meditation on the feeling of mental confinement — when one's own thoughts become both captor and cage. The hourglass head symbolizes time as a burden, an obsession, or a cycle that traps us within anxiety, regret, or perfectionism. The shackled feet emphasize the paralysis that often comes from overthinking — being unable to move forward, despite the mind’s constant motion.

This piece speaks to those silent battles — the ones fought within the self, unseen by the outside world. It reflects moments when the mind becomes a prison, not from external forces, but from internal pressure, fear, or the inability to let go.

“Imprisoned Mind” invites reflection on how we can be held back not by circumstance, but by the narratives we repeat within ourselves. And yet, even in stillness, there is awareness — and within awareness, the possibility of release.

"Empty Mind"

(2023)

Digital Illustration – Minimal / Conceptual Series

A visual reflection on the stillness that comes after mental overload.
This piece captures the quiet state between peace and disconnection — a mind emptied not by choice, but by exhaustion or surrender.
In the silence, there is space — for breath, for pause, for something new to begin.

"Just a Small Part of the World"

(2024)

Digital Illustration – Minimal / Conceptual Series

We often move through life believing we control the course — yet in quiet moments, we’re reminded: we are only a small part of something far greater.

This piece reflects the idea that much of the world is already in motion, shaped by forces beyond our reach — nature, time, destiny, or something divine. No matter how hard we try, some things are simply meant to unfold as they are, untouched by our will.

“Just a Small Part of the World” invites acceptance — not out of defeat, but from understanding. It is a visual meditation on humility, reminding us that while we cannot change everything, we can learn to move with grace inside what has already been written.

"Freedom"

(2024)

Digital Illustration – Minimal / Conceptual Series

This piece explores the essence of freedom — not as chaos or escape, but as inner release.

A figure moves through open space, shedding the weight of control, fear, or expectation. Freedom here is not loud; it’s subtle, personal, and quiet. It’s the moment when you stop asking for permission — when the boundaries that once defined you begin to dissolve.

“Freedom” invites the viewer to reflect on what it truly means to be free: Is it movement? Is it solitude? Or is it simply the ability to exist as you are, without needing to explain yourself to the world?

"Faltering Steps"

(2024)

Digital Illustration – Minimal / Conceptual Series

This piece captures the fragile, uncertain moments that come with growth. A figure moves forward — slowly, unsteadily — not with confidence, but with quiet courage.

“Faltering Steps” is about the kind of progress that doesn’t look heroic: the stumbles, the hesitation, the self-doubt. Yet within those small, trembling steps lies something powerful — the decision to continue, despite not knowing what lies ahead.

It’s a reflection on how real strength often hides in vulnerability, and how every meaningful journey begins not with a leap… but with a shaky first step.

"Ecstatic Motion"

(2024)

Digital Illustration – Minimal / Conceptual Series

A visual expression of movement fueled not by direction, but by emotion. In this piece, the figure is caught in a moment of pure release — where the body moves freely, instinctively, without reason or restraint.

“Ecstatic Motion” reflects a state of surrender to the present — where motion becomes a language of feeling, not function. It’s about joy, chaos, liberation, or even emotional overflow — the kind that demands to be felt through every fiber of the body.

This artwork is a tribute to uninhibited expression — when movement becomes a mirror of the soul, and stillness is no longer an option.

"Time Constraints"

(2023)

Digital Illustration – Minimal / Conceptual Series

This piece visualizes the quiet pressure of living under invisible deadlines — when every breath feels measured, and every movement must answer to time.

“Time Constraints” reflects the tension between our inner rhythm and the external ticking clock. The figure may be still or in motion, but always weighed down by the passing of time — a force that shapes, limits, and sometimes traps.

It’s a visual meditation on the exhaustion of always being “on the clock,” and a reminder that while time governs much, it doesn’t always align with the soul’s pace.

Creative Direction & Concept Development
Azhar / Zharthirteen Studio

Services: Concept Art, Digital Drawing, Visual Direction
Personal Project (Fatherhood & Struggle Series)

Website: zharthirteen.com
Instagram: @zharthirteen

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